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Category Archives: Sexcapades

At Least 60 Game of Thrones Memes

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So I  finally binge-watched GoT.  I found some memes to bring y’all.   There’s at least 60 of them, I lost count because whiskey.  If you haven’t caught up yet there may be some spoilers here and also, what is wrong with you?  Catch up!  So here ya go, and you don’t even have to click and click to a next page (I hate that shit), I’m just plopping them down for you to scroll through.  You’re welcome.

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22 Excellent and Inappropriate Breakup Memes NSFW (or your ex)

If you’re going through a rough breakup, or have been through a painful breakup in the past, you know those feels.  Once you’re done crying, perhaps you just want to punch something or someone until you tire out, then take a nice nap.  I have been through all the phases of breakup, and while it is still too raw to write an amusing blog post about, I have collected 26 memes to hopefully make you smile and laugh, perhaps the first time since that rotten asshole did what they did.  Yeah, they know what they did.  Motherfuckers.

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breakup7Unless you’re my ex, then apparently that’s an acceptable way to break up.

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Sadbuttrue

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If you do this, you will have a bad time.  Now tell me how to stop.

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Or, ya know, a blog post.

breakup14When you see the THOT she (or he) gets with.

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I think this is basically my ex’s line of thought.

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Here are some final thoughts from your fractured friend LadyApathetica:

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It’s true.  Trust.  Take care of yourself, love and value yourself, and the right person will come along and appreciate you.  Don’t ask me when!  I don’t know!  I’m trying to be supportive here!  Also…..

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Yep.  One day at a time.  It’s gonna be alright.  Promise.

20 Ridiculous Church Marquee Signs

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Amirite?

Personally, I do not church, but I enjoy a sign with innuendo because I’m secretly a 14 year old boy.   Would you like to see some funny church marquees?  Yes?  Commence with the scrolling, amen.

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ooooooh noooooo

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Good one, but I feel strongly that a church of all places should know how to spell “altar.”

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Ok this one isn’t sexual, just weird. Spiritual Marshmallows…….great band name.

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Ah….HAAAAAaaaaaaaa

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Thanks for the warning

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Also not sexual, but I really like this one

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Wow

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Guess I don’t have any real friends, then

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Heh heh.  Indeed.

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Works for my dad.

(Ok, so I have some non-innuendo signs in here.  Get over it.)

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Back dat ass up for Jezub

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Heh heh heh heh

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Noted.

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It’s just polyester anyway, I prefer silk.

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Will do

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Churches make me nervous

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Nice

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can’t even

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Yes?

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Hope they marinate him first

The Walking Dead: My Lil’ TWD and Zombie Meme-a-Thon

It was nice of the bloodthirsty undead to take that break for us, but now THE WALKING DEAD IS BACK! Wooot!  Yeah, yours truly is a deadhead, and I meant to roll this post out BEFORE the series started again, something to tide us all over until the season started.  No surprise I forgot, procrastinated, and repeated those two steps until tonight. But I WILL get this posted before the second episode.  I WILLLLLLLLLL.   Better late than really late, eh?  Eh!  Without much further blather, I present some of my favorite Walking Dead memes that I have found on le internet, and other amusing zombie-related pics/memes/whatnots.  I did not make any of these, credit if known goes to name below photo.

Ok, “that doesn’t count,” you may be saying.  But, what if when you honk as instructed, the coffin lid pops off, and she sits up and waves?  Alright then.  No proof either way.

It’s my blog, I can d’awww on any post I want.

Plenty of Fish Sticks and Swift Kicks (the unintelligible abyss of online dating)

Well, since I am approximately 15% hopelessly optimistic, I have plopped myself onto a dating website.   However, this post is not to record my diary of adventures in mating dating.  There are some interesting characters looking for hot, filthy love out there and the pictures they post to get the attention of a potential paramour can indeed be baffling.  So can the verbal diarrhea they pound out onto the keyboard for readers to decipher.  Let’s enjoy some examples, shall we?   Wheeeeee!

This is apparently one of my matches.  How, I have no idea.

It must be her maturity and charm that the site thinks I’ll be attracted to.

Let’s learn about Sweetie-pie here:

“I’m enlisting in the army soon…i need someone who i know is gonna be there for me and never question my actions.”

Ah, I can see how that first date would go………………………………………

Me: So, what made you choose the Army?

Her: :::::sucker punch to my face::::::

“I take academics very seriously but ima major party animal too”

Yup, seems legit.

“I’m not interested in fat girls or 3somes so stop hitting me up with that bullshit.I want a fit looking,attractive woman who knows what she wants in life…why is that so hard to ask for?wanna know more?just hmu.”

Yeah, take THAT heifers.  You’re totally missing out.  Also, she has an emu?  Lost me there.

“If they can keep up with me…a jog on the beach or through the park.or…coffee and a movie?”

Ya know…….I’m gonna pass.  I definitely cannot keep up with your high standards of asshole-itry.

Next Candidate…………………………

This one is “NOT LOOKING”


I can tell by her pose she isn’t the least bit interested in attracting a mate.  In fact, I’m pretty sure she’s a mime doing “invisible toilet.”

Also, the tag is on the dress.  Classy.

I wonder if she has any requirements or rules…….

“To start off with and to go ahead and get this out the way:
1-I don’t put up with bullshyt
2-If you’re looking for sex keep it moving
3-I am a lesbian so NO MEN.
4-I am a lesbian that takes NO interest in WHITE women.
5-I am a lesbian that takes NO interest in FEMMES so that means STUDS only
6-If you don’t have your own transportation DON’T EMAIL ME.
7-If you can’t support yourself DON’T EMAIL ME.
8-I am an attractive woman and therefore I look for other attractive women.”

Oh okeydokey.

Next Candidate……………………………………………

Ok, I’m not a jackass, but come on, you can exaggerate a tiny bit and then you can completely bullshit the hell out of your own self description.  This lady, who seems quite nice and not at all full of attitude like our previous contestants, describes her body size as “a few extra pounds.”  Honey, I’m a 10/12, THAT’S a “few extra pounds,” not this:

God love ya, nobody’s perfect.  Just don’t lie.

Batter up……………………………………………………….

This is not “a few extra pounds” either.  If it is, I’m damn near anorexic.

Also, ARE YOU  IN A BURGER KING?

Sigh, NEXT and LAST (for now)……………………………………………………………………..

I don’t know if this uniform indicates, Navy, Police, some other sort of emergency unit, or mall security, but I do know that when she says this is where you will go on your first date……

“Somewhere so we can talk and get to know more about each other.”

She means her bathroom.

So You’re Afraid To Get Your Bajinga Waxed Professionally (part 1)

So You’re Afraid To Get Your Bajinga Waxed Professionally (part 1)

Let’s start this blog of mine off with a bang-a-roo, eh?  I’m getting older and lazier.  I’m not, however, getting better at making small talk.  I can’t even think of interesting things to say to the stylist when I get my haircut.  The thought of getting professionally (or hell, even semi-professionally) brazillianed (it’s my blog and I can invent words if I want to) terrifies me for the social aspect as well as the fear, which I don’t think is unfounded, that cooter-waxers get together, go through client cards, and make up all kinds of metaphors for your lady business.  I don’t believe this fear is unfounded, because any reasonable vag-landscaper would do the same thing.

So my first foray into the home versions of making my junk socially acceptable was with Veet Fast Acting Gel Cream Hair Remover for Legs and Body, Sensitive Formula with aloe vera.  This stuff, in this attractive, ladylike pink tube:

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Texture:  Creamy, seeps under your fingernails, gets everywhere.

Smell:  Not horrible.  No olfactory hints of the horrors to come.

Pain: Oh the burning!  The prickly burning.  But you ain’t seen (er, felt) nothin yet.

Duration: 10 minutes max, as per the instructions.

Effectiveness: Unimpressive.  Patchy.  Takes care of most of your hideous, offensive, shameful pubes, but you’ll still need a razor.  Too bad you’re so red and raw and burny and itchy to want to take a rake to your angry, angry genitals.  Your genitals are probably angry at you because the tube also says “do not use on genitals” but you tried it anyway, didn’t you?  DIDN’T YOU?  Why did *I* try it? Because I know damn well when you go picking through the hair-removal choices, you would probably consider it too.  It sounds friendly enough.  Aloe vera! Sensitive formula!

Verdict: Just say no.  Or, fine, try it.  Then you can sit here like me, with a burning/itching sensation not normally experienced this side of Tijuana, with two mini-bottles I pulled out of the freezer stuck between my legs to ease the burn.

And yes, I said and meant part one.  When I again become unable to take my cookie jar to social functions, I’ll again try another method off the shelf for your enjoyment.  I’m sacrificing my she-wolf to save vaginas across the land.  What?  I ran out of metaphors.