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Category Archives: About Yours Truly

I’m Baaackkkk

Well I’ve been gone awhile.  A lot has happened, in my life and in Game of Thrones.  I logged in and saw I had a nice comment, so I responded with my typical serene maturity.

suck

 

So I clearly haven’t changed any.  Good for me.  Ok let’s do some posts.

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22 Excellent and Inappropriate Breakup Memes NSFW (or your ex)

If you’re going through a rough breakup, or have been through a painful breakup in the past, you know those feels.  Once you’re done crying, perhaps you just want to punch something or someone until you tire out, then take a nice nap.  I have been through all the phases of breakup, and while it is still too raw to write an amusing blog post about, I have collected 26 memes to hopefully make you smile and laugh, perhaps the first time since that rotten asshole did what they did.  Yeah, they know what they did.  Motherfuckers.

breakup1  breakup3breakup2breakup4  breakup5 breakup6

breakup7Unless you’re my ex, then apparently that’s an acceptable way to break up.

breakup8

Sadbuttrue

breakup9 breakup10

If you do this, you will have a bad time.  Now tell me how to stop.

breakup11 breakup12 breakup13

Or, ya know, a blog post.

breakup14When you see the THOT she (or he) gets with.

breakup15

I think this is basically my ex’s line of thought.

breakup16 breakup17 breakup18 breakup19 breakup21 breakup23 breakup24

Here are some final thoughts from your fractured friend LadyApathetica:

breakup26breakup25

It’s true.  Trust.  Take care of yourself, love and value yourself, and the right person will come along and appreciate you.  Don’t ask me when!  I don’t know!  I’m trying to be supportive here!  Also…..

breakup20

Yep.  One day at a time.  It’s gonna be alright.  Promise.

A Review Of Kindle Unlimited

When I became aware of the existence of Kindle Unlimited I got pretty damn excited.  I’m a readaholic and when I realized I could rent and read unlimited books for $9.99 a month from the comfort of my ample behind, I signed up for a trial.

Well.

Kindle Unlimited may be great if you read fiction.  I don’t.  I burned through the books they had available in my chosen subjects (mostly historical, a couple travel journalism books) in 3 days and was left with nothing else to read.  I canceled my membership.

So, if you read fiction, would it work for you?  I dunno, let’s take a look at the current popular fiction books.  Now, keep in mind this is what Amazon is telling me is popular in fiction.  I don’t have a damn clue.  I’m browsing the category of “released in the last 30 days” first.

Here are the titles available on Kindle Unlimited for that category, on the first page.

book2book1book3book4

Ok…ahhh….maybe nothing much has been published lately?

Alright I guess I have to look up specific books so I shall journey to the Barnes & Noble website and see if they can tell me what’s hot.

Ok, here are fiction bestsellers according to B&N.

1.  The Girl on The Train by Paula Hawkins

Available on Kindle Unlimited(KU)?  No.  Kindle edition $6.99

2.  The Stranger by Harlan Coben

KU?  Nope.  Kindle edition $10.99

3.  The Shadows by J.R. Ward

KU?  No.  Kindle edition $11.99

4.  All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

KU? Nope.  $12.99 kindle edition

Ok, I think you get the idea here.  Maybe some older but still popular books are available?

How about the Hunger Games trilogy?

YES!  All three in the series are available for KU.

So far so good.  Harry Potter?

YES!  All available with KU.

How about one of the very few fiction books I own, Memoirs of a Geisha?

No dice.

For some reason some people like that Nicholas Sparks guy, right?  How about his books?

Nope, not even KU for (gagging noise) The Notebook.

Verdict:   Do your research before committing to Kindle Unlimited.  They are offering a 30 day free trial, so poke around and see just how available the books you want to read will be, and make sure to cancel before that 30 days is up if you determine it won’t meet your reading needs.

5 Things That Happen When You Get In A Bad Car Accident

In January, I was involved in a car accident.  I spent some time in the trauma center and regular hospital ward, and this was my first go-round with this type of experience.  Ever wondered what it’s like?  I’m happy to tell you.  I clearly survived, but my car did not.

caraccidentMy (former) Kia Forte.  Yes, that’s the engine trying to get into my lap.

Did the other person’s car make it through?  I have no idea, and here’s why:

1.  You have no idea what’s going on, but you THINK you do.  You REALLY REALLY think you do.

I had no idea what I had hit.  A person?  A car?  A large tree?  A building?  It was driving….driving…..driving, then suddenly people at my window asking if I could hear them, shattered glass, and airbag dust.  I had blacked out for no discernible reason.  After ascertaining that my teenage son was in good shape and not the least bit upset that we had just smacked head-on into another vehicle, I turned my attention to the helpful people who had seen my accident and were attempting to communicate with me at my driver’s side door.  I babbled off some information to them, then the ambulance arrived.  How quickly?  I cannot say.  That part is a blur.

ambulance            They are roomier than you think…….

Then someone informed me they were going to pull me out of the wreck.  This was the EMS guy.  I distinctly remember that I would certainly need my phone (to inform relatives of the occurrence) and my house keys (so my parents could go let my dog out if I ended up staying in the hospital overnight).  I slipped my keys into my front pocket and my phone into my back pocket, then I was hauled out as if I were a bag of feathers and wheeled on a (gurney? I don’t know what they are called….) into the ambulance.  I KNEW my keys and phone were with me, I even heard the EMS guy in the ambulance mention them to his co-worker.

When I was released from the hospital the next afternoon, guess where they were?  Not in my bag of personal effects. (cue Shyamalan-esque twist)    My dad found them both in my wrecked car in the junkyard.

2.   Ambulances are not comfortable

When you’re injured, you feel every bump.  And as you go over those bumps, an efficient and well-trained EMS person is sticking one or more IV’s in your arms.  In my case, I had a normal one in my left arm and a Y-shaped one in my right arm.  As this is happening, you also have an awkward and uncomfortable neck brace and you are being asked a lot of questions about your medical history.  Also, you’re in shock, and due to that you’re friggin freezing.  The EMS person piles more blankets on you, but it might as well be snow, because you are feeling like you survived the car accident but will soon perish from hypothermia.

hypothermiaWho put this glacier in South Carolina?

And you wonder if the ambulance is taking you to another state because the ride is so long, and you wonder if you will be that lucky bastard whose ambulance gets in a car accident on the way to the hospital, because that would be just perfect.

3.    Pretty much everyone will see you naked

In the ambulance they cut off my clothing.  I felt it.  I was exposed as fuck.  And I did not care.  Being in shock does that to you.  I had a half-cone thing around my neck and I was butt nekkid save for the hospital blankets when they wheeled me in to the trauma center, where my blankets were lifted and I was butt nekkid to all eyes under fluorescent lights.  Howdy, everyone!  When everyone had seen my naked lumpy flesh, I was subjected to an MRI and then wheeled back to the trauma ward to hang out for what felt like months.  The MRI, the exams, the questioning could have all happened in one spot for all I know.  I was cognizant but also distant.  I recall being wheeled around on my stretcher, but how far I traveled is a mystery.  The janitor could have practiced drawing my blood and I’d just stare at the ceiling.  There is no time for modesty or judgement in the trauma center.

4.  Strange men will wipe your vag

When you’re not allowed to rise from the bed, and eventually you have to pee, you know what happens.

bedpanShown here much less awkward than it actually is.

  A kind nurse brings a bedpan, and you revert to babyhood by attempting to pee lying down.  If you really gotta go, you will indeed pee lying down and it will feel awesome.  And then an orderly will wipe you.  He won’t like it, you won’t like it.  But he’ll do his job, and you both will try to make jokes and not make eye contact and it will be fine because you feel like maybe you died and this is only heck, which is a nicer but still inconvenient suburb of hell.

5.  The seatbelt will kick your ass

seatbletdogArtist’s rendition of how cute I look half-conscious in a seatbelt.

I’m certainly not saying not to wear seatbelts.  Wear seatbelts!  And sit a reasonable distance from your front airbag.  My airbags did me no harm at all.  My seatbelt, while saving me a massive head injury, did indeed leave scars.  I have one on my neck from when I slipped forward and it caught me.  It was a nasty gash for about a month, and kept getting gooey and my long hair would stick to it when I slept and ewwwww……..then it finally healed into a red scar I plan on telling everyone I sustained in a prison riot.  Where the lap belt held my body to the seat, I have scar tissue that pushes my stomach in and leaves a weird bulge above where it indents, like I have a very odd muffintop jutting out on one side.  Also, my stomach was bruised dark purple for a good three weeks, and I was stuck wearing leggings/yoga pants from the tenderness and swelling.  Is this better than not wearing a seatbelt?  YES.  Is it still shitty?  YES.

pain

Epilogue:  I ended up with the aforementioned scarring and a fractured lumbar vertebrae.  I am in pain to this day and there is no guarantee I will never not be in constant pain.  My son is just fine; he had some minor bruising that cleared up within a couple days.  The accident was my fault and I was told by the police in the hospital that the woman I hit was well after the incident and did not even need medical assistance.  I hope she is doing fine and got a new car out of it to boot, if indeed it was totaled.  I never found out, but I can’t imagine it came out well if mine was a total loss.  Wear your seatbelts, kids!  Seriously.  Do it.  And have good car insurance!  And airbags are awesome.  You never know….

Why Not So Serious? (Missing Posts)

Why Not So Serious? (Missing Posts)

I try to keep the blog light and ridiculous.  However, I just have to speak out on some issues.  I’ll let those posts run for a few days, then dunk them into a private file.  If you need information from one of those previous srs posts, let me know.  Back to seltzer bottles and cream pies around here for now……..

People Who Don’t Lead By Example

People Who Don’t Lead By Example

Yeah, me.  I bitch about other bloggers abandoning blogs I enjoy and then I fly the coop.  Uncool, I know.  I got “involved” with someone and abandoned my late-night blogging for the pleasures of the flesh, or as I (and Tone Loc) like to call it, the funky cold medina.  Yeah, I know, it was a DRINK.  Artistic license, people.  Unfortunately, some of the best sheet-rumplers are batshit crazy and I am considering becoming a nun.  Sigh.  I shall return with some funny soon, right now I am considering either tying my iPhone to an anchor and dropping it into the Bermuda Triangle to stop the incessant and crazy texting and calling, or entering the witness protection program.

Party on and stay tuned.

How to Stalk Me

How to Stalk Me

You can follow me on twitter @ Ladyapathetica  if you so desire.  Blog updates get posted there and sometimes I say things that some questionably sane people find amusing.