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Monthly Archives: February 2012

A Vagina on a Belt Buckle? Now My Life is Complete.

A Vagina on a Belt Buckle?  Now My Life is Complete.

It’s nice to like your body parts.  I don’t know how nice it is to wear representations *of* those body parts and shock your grandma.  I found these artsy representations of a woman’s anatomy (yes I have to specify that, some of the interpretations need an introduction to be recognized) on etsy.com.  I found them two days ago so they are probably still there if you cannot live without vagina-shaped soap.

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Here is the aforementioned soap.  Slip one into those decorative soap displays at a fancy hotel and make life slightly more interesting (or confusing) for the next guest.  Sadly, the particular scent of this soap is not listed in the item description.

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It looks like one of those large cut amethyst rocks with the rough edges you find at earthy gift shops, no?  But it is a washcloth.  I remember that jingle…. “you’re not fully clean unless you’re vag fully clean….”   Also, if your bajinga is that color, please seek medical attention.  Yes, it’s pretty, but it is just not normal.

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Now here we have a belt buckle.  Because now we are proudly wearing artsy-fartsy sculpted vaginas on our person so everyone can see them.  Well, first they will spend a great deal of time staring and wondering what the heck that pretty design is.  What an interesting flower!  They will think.  But no, it is simply the fleshy pale cooter of a she-vampire that you have mounted (ha) on a belt buckle.  You sick fuck.

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Or, you could wear this slutty shirt.  When people stop staring at your cleavage revealed in your super low-cut top, they will notice it has a print of a vagina on it.  Or not.  I’d never guess what that was on there.  Uh……some kind of random spiral design?  No?  And then you tell them what it is, and they recoil in horror.  The sheer size of the thing…..it’s just unnatural.  Unnerving.  They have to go now, please excuse them.

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Is that…..a fuzzy portal?  In a way, yes.  Here we have male and female slippers.  Keep your toes toasty by slipping them into some genitals.

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This shirt is a nightmare.  What is with the yellow comic book KA-POW thingee over her crotch?  What is going on with that thing?  Maybe we should be glad it’s covered.  Her friends sure seem interested.  Need a hand, Diane?  Nope! Three’s a crowd!  Also, that guy is so high.

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And speaking of being and getting high, now you can smoke a bowl right out yer hole!  It’s a work of art, really.  Petrified cunt.

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Ok, this….is a hair barrette.  And I want it bad.  It’s subtle, you could wear this thing to church.  It is very flowery, looks like a nice breeze is fluttering through the labia there.  Yep.  I need this.

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These are cards.  You could send one to your gynecologist.  Or get a fun restraining order by sending one to your chiropractor.

Hope you enjoyed these.  Coming soon:  Fat Food, Creepy Personals, Glamour Shots, and more.  Follow me @ ladyapathetica on twitter for blog updates.

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